New Father Tips
You will find that many of the new father tips listed below have your relationship with your partner as a central theme. This is really at the heart of what Recipe for Fatherhood is about -- planning and preparing your family meals will show your partner that you are committed to her needs and those of your new family.
One of the key roles you can take on right now is being responsible for your relationship with your partner. Your partner still wants to feel loved and beautiful just like she did before your child was born. It might very well seem to her that before the birth of your child all the attention was showered on her by family and friends but now your baby takes center stage. Pay attention to her and let her know that your relationship with her is as important to you as your new parenting duties. She will appreciate it and you will become closer a couple because of it.
The Best New Father Tip
Couples respond to the birth process of pregnancy, labor, delivery and recovery differently and it is useless to compare yourselves to other couples as they have their very own experience that will be different from yours.
Some fathers experience feeling left out as their partner focuses their time and energy on the new addition to your family. This does not constitute rejection of you but is more the effect of hormones, lack of sleep and recovering from a very emotional time in your life.
The best thing you can do is to step up and do more around the house, take on as much of the baby duties as you can and do whatever you can to make your partner feel special.
Bonding without Breastfeeding
There can be a tendency with new fathers to feel a little left out because they are not part of the breast-feeding process. This is something that creates an immutable bond between mother and child but it does not mean that you can't be part of it.
Before breast-feeding, you can be the one who changes your child's diaper more often than not. After breast-feeding, you can also rock your baby to sleep. Moreover, if your baby needs supplementary feeding from a bottle, offer to take over and when doing so, bring the baby close to you as you feed her. Even though fathers may not be able to breast-feed, we can still bond with our partners and our children during this important part of the child's day.
Learn Swaddling Techniques
If you haven't already, check out one of the books and/or DVDs on swaddling. For the first couple months of life, it is a way to wrap your baby up in a cloth that amazingly makes her feel like she is in the womb. It relaxes her and helps put her to sleep.
The one we used was The Happiest Baby on the Block by Harvey Karp, MD. His techniques for calming -- including the "football" hold, are very good. It will take you awhile to learn the wrapping technique but it is well worth it -- the wraps are also hard to find, but the larger square wraps work better than the rectangular ones.
If you can't find the square ones, Old Navy has inexpensive rectangular ones that stretch better than most and work well. If someone in your family has a sewing machine, all that's needed are two 36-inch squares of flanelette or tee-shirt fabric, sewn together with a double seam.
Plan a Mini-Getaway for Dessert
My first preference for desert is to go somewhere else for. Indeed, it's a mini-getaway, presuming you have a parent or friend that can stay at your house while your baby sleeps.
Going out and getting ice cream is a short but sweet date you can have even in the first few months after the birth of your child. It'll make a big difference in that it will be one of those subtle little pleasure pauses in your relationship and allow you to spend a brief time alone together that is so illusive in those first few months.
Purchase Mini Bottles of Hand Sanitizer
Purchase mini bottles of hand sanitizer and keep them in your car, the diaper bag and near the changing table. Small bottles can be kept refilled from the larger pump size. This helps keep your hands clean. When others want to hold or touch your baby, offer the hand sanitizer to them first, explain to them that it will help protect your newborn from infections.
Getting Out of the House
One of the best things you can do for your partner is make sure that she gets to do something for herself every day. You will notice quickly that your life will revolve around diaper changes and breast feeding.
Since she must be present for these roughly two-hour feeding and changing cycles, you can plan around them. See how you can help her to get out of the house. Maybe she can have coffee with a girlfriend, walk the dog, go to the gym or engage in a hobby to get away for an hour or so.
Schedule Early Pediatrician Appointments
When you are planning your pediatrician appointments, try to get them right away in the morning so you are one of the first appointments. Later in the day, you are often dealing with walk-ins that may be taken ahead of you depending on their malady.
The more kids you are around in their waiting room, the more likely you or your child could catch a cold or flu. If you ask, some pediatricians will allow you to wait in the room where you will be meeting them. Ask about their policy as it will keep you, your partner and your child more likely to stay healthy.